


Behind The Shields

by supernaturalfreakin



Category: Torchwood
Genre: Broken Jack, Caring Ianto, Cuddles, Depression, Jack Has Feelings, Jack Has Issues, Kissing, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Sad Jack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-19
Updated: 2020-07-19
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:21:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25388239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/supernaturalfreakin/pseuds/supernaturalfreakin
Summary: Occasionally Jack shuts down under the pressure of his past.Ianto is there to comfort him.
Relationships: Jack Harkness/Ianto Jones
Comments: 15
Kudos: 67





	Behind The Shields

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own anything.
> 
> This is my first story and I'm not a native English speaker.
> 
> I hope you enjoy it. Please R&R.

They had just finished a long and hard day of work. The rift hadn’t given them a moment of peace today.  
  
It was already dark as Ianto drove himself and Jack to his flat. Through the drive Jack had been unusually quiet, only staring out of the car’s window. He didn’t even register arriving at their destination until Ianto had already opened his door.  
  
He undid the belt for Jack, then gently grabbed his arms pulling him out of the car. They got into his flat without saying a word.  
  
After closing the door there was silence. Almost deafening him as Ianto moved to hang up his coat and untie his shoes while Jack remained standing in front of the closed door staring again into nothingness.  
  
Noticing this he went over to him and gently removed his heavy army coat and hung it besides his own. Then he steered Jack over to a bench he had in his hall and set him down.  
  
Through all of it he didn’t show any kind of reaction which began to seriously worry Ianto. He had never seen Jack like this, completely unresponsive. His eyes were blank and unfocussed.  
  
Exhaling he moves to Jack’s shoes and removed them. Still kneeling in front of his boyfriend he looked him over. His posture was slumped, his shoulders hanging and his head slightly bowed.  
  
Ianto put his right hand on Jack’s check, lightly stroking it with his thumb and feeling the light stubble. His other hand went to Jack’s, squeezing it to show he was there and maybe get him back from wherever his mind was at the moment.  
  
A few minutes passed as neither of them spoke or moved except for Ianto’s thumbs on his face while looking deep into those blank eyes. All of a sudden Jack took a deep breath, exhaling loudly. He blinked several times and then squeezed his lover’s hand weakly. The first real sign that Jack was still there since they had left the hub.  
  
‘C'mon’ says Ianto gently while he gets up from his kneeling position, removing his hand from Jack’s face. The immediate reaction of Jack gripping his hand almost painfully startled him. He stared at him through teary eyes which were holding countless emotions all at once. A drastic change of just a few seconds ago.  
  
Sadness, fear, hopelessness, desperation and age. For the first time he could truly see Jack’s age. It hurt him to look at those eyes - hurt to look at Jack’s bare and stripped soul, no walls, no barricades which he used every day to shield himself. This was Jack with everything he has seen in all of his years and lives, completely raw.  
  
‘C'mon up’ he said this time while pulling Jack up by his arms. As soon as he stood Ianto pulled him into a tight hug. Jack’s arms came around his waist under his suit jacket and rested his hands on his lower back. He immediately buried his head in the crook of Ianto’s neck, took a deep breath of his lover’s scent trying to calm himself and moving impossibly closer to him.  
  
Ianto meanwhile moved one arm around his shoulder to rest his warm hand between his shoulder blades. His other hand went to Jack’s nape, cradling his head and stroking through his short brown hair. He puts light kisses on his hairline, then rests his head on Jack’s and quietly whispers to him.  
  
They stand like this for what feels like hours. Only feeling each other - Ianto’s soft voice and Jack’s unsteady breaths until Ianto feels exhaustion crawling over him. After all it had been a very long and stressful day.  
  
‘Jack? Let’s go to bed.’  
  
He waits a moment before slowly pulling away. Just like the last time, Jack stiffens and clutches his waist trying to hold him close.  
  
‘Jack, look at me please.’  
  
When Jack didn’t release his grip on his waist he moved his head back and placed one hand beneath his chin, forcing him to look into his eyes. They were teary again and desperate.  
  
‘I’m not leaving you, Jack. We are going to bed where we’ll cuddle beneath a warm blanket on a soft mattress and I’ll hold you the whole night. Sound’s good?’ Ianto tried a small smile of reassurance. He moved his hand to Jack’s hairline brushing a few strands of hair out of his face and placing a kiss on his forehead. Jack’s eyes were nervously moving around, searching his face for something. Then he gave a small nod of approval.  
  
‘Okay, let’s move slowly. Remember I’m not leaving, I’m here.’  
  
Without releasing his grip on Jack he walked backwards towards his bedroom. Arriving there he gently removed Jack’s suspenders, belt, trousers, socks and his dress shirt leaving him in just his boxers and undershirt. Then he sat him on the edge of the bed and took a step backwards. This time however Jack didn’t react, he didn’t reach out. He simply looked lost, sitting on the edge of the bed, barely dressed, slumped and staring at the ground.  
  
Ianto moved to pick up Jack’s clothes and neatly folded and placed them on a chair. He then removed his own and placed them besides Jack’s. He too was left in his boxers and his undershirt.  
  
Moving over onto the opposite side of the bed, Ianto got in behind Jack. He put both hands on Jack’s back slowly trailing them from his shoulders down to his lower  
back making him shiver.  
  
‘Lay down Cariad’ With that his hands went up to his shoulders gently pulling him backwards guiding his head to the pillow. Jack’s legs came up voluntarily onto the bed, immediately drawing them up to his chest in a childlike position.  
  
Laying down onto the bed, Ianto fit his body behind Jack’s pressing his legs to his lover’s and wrapping his arms around Jack’s middle pulling himself closer. His nose nuzzled Jack’s neck, breathing in the 51st century pheromones and planting light kisses there. All the while he moved his hands up and down Jack’s belly and chest.  
  
Neither man made a noise and Jack hadn’t moved at all in quite some time making Ianto believe he was asleep.  
  
He still didn’t know what was wrong with his boyfriend, what made him turn into a catatonic state and he would probably never find out. That’s just how Jack was. Tomorrow he would quite possibly be back to his old self – joking and flirting around.  
  
Ianto was ripped out of his thoughts by Jack turning around in his arms. They were now lying face to face. Ianto’s hands still around his middle, hands on his back and their legs intertwined. Jack still didn’t look into his eyes and again neither of them moved, Ianto to afraid that Jack would withdraw again. So he waited.  
  
Then he felt Jack’s hands move onto his own chest his right one resting on his heart feeling the steady and calm heartbeat. After a while Ianto runs his hands up Jack’s back until they both come to rest on the back of his head pulling him towards his mouth to plant a kiss on his boyfriend’s forehead. Shifting a bit Ianto moved Jack’s head to his chest and rested his chin upon it.  
  
‘Yan?’ Jack sounded weak and broken, his voice cracking like it hadn’t been used in years.  
  
‘I’m here Cariad’ Ianto reassured while stroking his hair softly.  
  
‘I’m sorry’  
  
Now Ianto was confused. As far as he knew there was nothing to apologize for. Nothing had happened.  
  
‘What’s wrong Cariad?’  
  
‘I’m sorry I’m like this’  
  
Jack released a loud and unsteady breath like he was about to cry. He had never seen him cry before. What had caused his behaviour?  
  
‘Please tell me what’s wrong, Jack. I’m worried’  
  
‘Sometimes it’s just too much you know? All the things I’ve seen, what I’ve lived through. It comes crashing down every once in a while. All at once and I can’t handle it. Not always. And I’m truly sorry you have to see me like this. I’m surprised you didn’t leave me at the hub. Nobody wants this wreck.’ His voice was a lot steadier by the time he finished, still quiet but full of emotions again.  
  
‘God Jack… Look at me please’  
  
Reluctantly and slowly he moved his head back to look up at Ianto’s eyes. To his surprise he saw sympathy and love in them – not disgust, which he had expected.  
  
‘I’m not sorry you’re here with me. I’m actually glad you’re in my arms. I want to be there for you, to hold you when you are down, when you need me. I knew all along there was a lot of packages that came with you and I accept that. That’s who you are. I myself have it too.  
Today was the first time you let me see beneath your playful and joyful exterior and I’m glad you trust me that much. So let me tell you this. I’m not thinking less of you when you show me this side of yourself and I certainly won’t leave you. Here with me you won’t need to think about all that, you can feel safe here. Okay?’  
  
Jack was speechless. It had been a long time since anyone had taken him like he was with all of his flaws and he did feel safe in Ianto’s arms. He had pulled him back from where his mind was wandering. Reliving all the terrible things in his life. Back to where he was now. In this beautiful person’s arms, staring into those blue eyes. His lover’s eyes.  
  
‘Thank you. Thank you for being here, for grounding me, for accepting me. Just… Thank you’ With that he kissed Ianto, pouring everything into the kiss he couldn’t express with words. Feeling his lips and his body moving against his own. Tasting and breathing him.  
After some time they breathlessly pulled back.  
  
‘How about we try to sleep some?’ Ianto asked yawning.  
  
‘Sounds good, I’m exhausted but… Could you maybe… hold me tonight? I don’t want to go back into my mind and in your arms, with you close I… I just feel better?’  
  
‘Of course I’ll hold you’ he answered kissing Jack again.  
  
He then rolled onto his back taking Jack with him to rest his body against his side and his head on Ianto’s chest. This way he could still feel and hear his breathing and heartbeat.  
  
With one hand Ianto pulled up the duvet over both of them and then rested his hand on Jack’s which lay on his chest.  
  
‘If you need to talk or anything else during the night, wake me up, okay?’ Jack gave a slight nod.  
  
‘Okay. Sleep well, Cariad. I’m here and I’m not leaving’  
  
‘You too, Ianto. Thank you’  
  
Ianto placed one last kiss on Jack’s temple before closing his eyes and falling asleep.


End file.
